I’m an over-worrier, a perfectionist and it’s affecting my self-confidence. I’m not proud of it but it’s something some of us are struggling with every day of our lives.
Michael Kors watch
A few people have been asking me why I haven’t been active on posting on the blog and even on Instagram with my #ootd‘s lately. I would not give a definite answer to their question as I am ashamed of the true reason behind this “absence”. And today, this post will shed light on as to why.
The reason? My weight.
Pero ang payat mo naman!
No. I am not. I mean, not really. Due to my recent travels, I have gained a lot. I used to be 53kgs then it became 56kgs and after returning from America, I weighed 64kgs. I know right?
It has really affected my confidence as people came to conclude that I got pregnant. And it made me think of questions like, did I really gained that much? Do I really look fat now? And the answer was yes. I was just a little in denial at first because of course people usually gain weight when they travel, right? But as the days passed and I would look at the mirror and find flabs that weren’t there before. Wait, I have back fat?! What happened to my legs?! I am no longer “perfect”.
After that I promised myself to eat healthy again. But the pregnancy rumors really got into my head and started spiraling down. I would eat Cheetos after eating dinner composed of meat and two cups of rice with matching soda. I’d stock on ice cream so I have something to eat in the middle of the night. I was unstoppable with the unhealthy lifestyle. And then it happened.
I was driving home after going to the mall to buy a dozen of J. Co donuts for myself, and my friends and I were group chatting on Facebook on health problems (don’t worry I only respond during stop lights). We were talking about how important it is for us to have a healthy lifestyle when suddenly it dawned on me that it is imperative for me to be healthy due to my kidney problem. I was deep on my realization when I started hyperventilating and experiencing tachycardia. I couldn’t breathe and my heart was beating so fast I thought I was having a heart attack. I was looking at my nails for signs of cyanosis while driving slowly this time. When I arrived at home, I walked swiftly towards the bedroom so I can lie down and relax. After a few minutes, I took my blood pressure. It read 140/90.
Long story short, that’s when I ended up spending a month on countless medical tests that included a renal scan, which was scary as hell. Right now, I limit myself with food that could give me Hypertension and Diabetes as those two are the most possible diseases that I could get with a dysfunctional kidney. I also try my best to include exercise in my daily routine. So far, I’m getting back in shape (as evidenced by these pictures, hopefully).
Lesson learned. Worrying too much can lead to anxiety disorders. My perfectionism got me. I should have used it to improve myself but instead I used it against me and now my body has suffered.
Guys, girls if people tell you that you got fat, don’t take it the bad way. Maybe it’s a sign that you should take care of your health more. Sure it can be insulting and more often, rude but use it to improve yourself. Use it for you so when the time comes that you are back at a comfortable and healthy BMI, they’ll get jealous and maybe start questioning themselves too. LOL.
Kidding aside, health is wealth. Take care of yourself. Perfect or not. So what if you have some love handles or a missing thigh gap as long as you are healthy. It is the most important thing in the world.
P.S. For the last time, NO I am not pregnant.